Angels on the Mountain

As a young boy I fell in love with the Uinta wilderness area in Northeast Utah because of the tranquility and peace I found there.  I had considered the remote mountain range to be my own sacred grove. For the first time since being married I had an opportunity to take my wife and two year old son backpacking into this rugged but beautiful place.  We planned to go to Grandaddy Lake, just over three miles from the trailhead, and considered an easy hike by Uinta standards, a perfect introduction to this breathtaking landscape for my wife, Alicia, and son, Justin.

After meticulous planning and preparation, we were finally ready to leave behind our cares and head into the mountains. On the day before our departure however, Alicia became very sick with what we later found out to be cryptosporidiosis, a parasitic infection that spread around the community. A priesthood blessing was given and the next morning, although still quite sick, she decided she was well enough to continue the adventure. Although still doubled over in pain and running a fever when we arrived at the trailhead, Alicia decided to tough it out and push on up the trail after resting at the trailhead for a while. I was feeling strong and ready to go, but after only a few minutes of hiking, I could tell that Alicia would not be able to carry Justin in her backpack as planned. He got out and proceeded to hike alongside me and rode on my shoulders when his little legs and feet needed a rest. With Justin sitting between my pack and my head, the weight on my back was around 85 lbs, much more than I was planning to carry. As the day pushed on, all three of us grew more and more exhausted and longed to drop our packs and set up camp.  The entire way up a prayer was in my heart to grant strength and stable footing to all of us.

After more than half a day of hiking, we finally reached our campsite and breathed a great sigh of relief as we dropped our packs and collapsed in the dirt. A light rain started to fall as I set up our tent and arranged all our bedding so Alicia could get some much needed rest. I then proceeded to search out a good water source and explore the area. After a great deal of time, I failed to find a good source of spring water, so I resorted to using my filter to clean stream water to drink. I had used the filter several times before, but it was not working the way it was supposed to. I pumped enough water to top off our bottles, but it took great effort and a very long time. The area around our camp was beautiful and pristine, and for one of the first times, not another soul was in the basin. I loved the solitude and peace that we had, but wished Alicia was feeling well enough to enjoy it too.

During the middle of the night I awoke to intense stomach pains and nausea. I had picked up the same illness as Alicia. We were both awake all night writhing in pain and making frequent trips out of the tent. After a very long night, I felt weak and dehydrated, and Alicia was even worse. After we forced down breakfast our water was depleted, so I gathered up my strength and set out to refill all our bottles. I was even weaker than I thought as I set out across the dew laden hillside to the water supply. My filter was even worse than the day before and at the rate it was going, I would have been there all day filling up the bottles. At this point I was getting very worried as dehydration due to the illness was becoming more and more real. I knelt down in the quiet stand of trees and uttered a sincere prayer pleading for help. After a short rest, I looked at the filter and knew exactly what the problem was.  With my new heaven-sent knowledge, I cut a few pieces of the rubber tubing and modified the filter. Miraculously, the filter worked better than it ever had in the past, and the bottles were full in no time. I felt God’s presence very strongly there in those unspoiled mountains. After a wonderful morning celebrating Justin’s second birthday and conserving our energy, the rain and sleet began to fall, and we huddled in the tent for rest of the day. Cold, sick, hungry, and weak, Alicia and I were both very concerned about the night ahead. We were both getting weaker and weaker as the hours passed, and I was worried that the longer we stayed there the worse our condition would become. I decided to try to flag down a forest ranger by building a big fire. Fires were prohibited in that area and rangers were giving tickets for offenders, so I figured if a ranger was in the area, the fire would draw them straight to us and provide us with the help we needed. The warmth and light of the fire felt soothing and relaxing, but did not attract any attention from the rangers. We really were in this situation all alone. We settled in for another long night, and both Alicia and I spent a great deal of time not sleeping, and continued to lose fluids, but luckily we had a good supply of medication that helped alleviate our symptoms and slightly ease the discomfort. I had felt impressed before we left to pack extra medicine, so there was plenty for both of us. I had even brought medicines specific to our symptoms that would not normally have been found in a first aid kit. I know now that our Heavenly Father was aware that these extra medicines would be of great worth to us when stuck up in that little tent on the side of the lake, but at the time I was packing them I only considered them extra weight that would probably not be needed.

The night seemed to last forever, but morning’s first light finally came. I had offered up many prayers that night, and felt a hastening need to get out of the wilderness before our condition grew worse. Alicia was too weak to even get out of her bed, and I felt much too weak to even collect clean flowing stream water, so I just filtered the muddy lake water. After more prayers and some warm breakfast, Alicia decided she was strong enough to make the hike back to the car.   I thought I might have to make several trips to get all our gear out because Alicia was barely strong enough to get herself out, and I was not strong enough to carry all of the gear and Justin at one time. After quickly breaking camp and more pleading for heavenly strength, we set out for safety. The hike was arduous and every step felt as if it was my last, but we trudged on. Alicia was in tears and needed a rest about every 25 yards. I was glad to rest, but also wanted to hurry down the trail and get off the mountain before the sun drained even more energy from us. After several hours of plodding along and trying to keep my wife and son safe, I decided that we were close enough that I could rush my pack and Justin to the car where I had more medicine and plenty of fresh water. I set out at a quick pace and told Alicia to go as slowly as she needed. As I started to rush down the trail, I felt my pack lighten and I could feel more stability in my footsteps. I knew then that I was not alone on that hike down the mountain.

After a while I stumbled into the parking lot and dropped my pack in the dirt to collapse into the back seat of the car. I drank a good share of water, rested up and started to run back up the trail to rescue my dear wife. After about 15 minutes of jogging I heard a quivering and frail voice calling my name. I found my wife hallucinating and weak beyond belief stumbling down the trail at an alarmingly dangerous rate. I immediately took her load and gave her the water. Justin had marched close to two miles on his own two feet over very rough terrain and was clearly exhausted as well. I picked him up, put him in the child carrier on my back, and we set out for the car as a family.

Because of the careful preparations that I had made, and the prayers that we had offered continually throughout the trip, all three of us made it off the mountain safely, but not alone. Alicia and I both felt very clearly the strength of angels alongside us lifting our packs and allowing us to put one foot safely in front of the other. We both broke down in tears as we reached the car safely and said a prayer of gratitude for the celestial assistance we had been given. The short but perilous hike was not unlike many of the pioneers’ who felt and saw angels lifting their burdens as they made their way through harsh terrain with handcarts and wagons to reach the Salt Lake Valley. Our lives were truly in jeopardy, but God loves my family and decided to protect us from danger that day. We made it safely home, but remained very ill for another week. Our condition grew worse before it got better, so it truly was a great miracle that we made it off the mountain when we did.

I know that our Heavenly Father knew perfectly the gravity of our situation and desired to help us. As we prayed with great intensity and faith, He was able to pour a blessing out upon us that He knew we needed. It was only due to his grace that we all made it off the mountain at all. My testimony of prayer has grown through these experiences and my faith in God has increased.  These trials were physical in nature, but I know that God is ready and willing to help us in any of our trials. We need only to ask in humility and faith and His angels will be there to encircle and strengthen us in our times of need. 

Crystal and Dustin come to visit!

Here we are at the Twin's game.  Our first baseball game!

Spending some quality time together!

Here we are at the Canadian Honker, a favorite out here in Minnesota.

more kid pictures. Yay!

I know this one's long. Only read it if you really care to know...

The oft heard quote by Marjorie Hinkley, “Life is what happens while we’re making other plans.”, has become much more meaningful to me this past year. I had grand plans laid in a neat little framework inside my mind, but factors infuriatingly beyond my control have laid waste to the entire person that I called me, and left me with someone who I am still trying to get to know.

I have been working as a clinical laboratory scientist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota since summer of 2008 soon after my graduation from BYU. Alicia and I moved out here away from all family and bought a nice little house to spend the next chapter of our lives in. Alicia was pregnant with our second, and her work was going well. I was planning on taking on a master’s program I recently got accepted to in public health and epidemiology through the University of London. I have also been serving as the Young Men’s president in our tiny little branch out here in the corn fields. Things were going just the way we had planned and expected them to. Until my body decided it was going to take control of my entire universe.

In mid January, I got a case of strep throat that was going around. The day I went in to get an antibiotic I noticed a stabbing pain in my kidneys. Odd, I thought, that sort of thing shouldn’t happen until two or three weeks after a strep infection. I told the doc and left it at that. After faithfully taking my Amoxicillin for ten days my strep throat was gone, but I still felt a little weak and tired, as expected after a pathogenic assault on the immune system. With not much to worry about but getting back to the normal routine, I continued to push myself as usual. The difference was that I never really felt better. It was as if my body’s AC adapter had been knocked out of the electrical outlet by the infection and had never been plugged back in. My batteries were slowly being drained and not recharging as they normally had in my past.

At first I thought this must be the effects of Minnesota winters, but as weeks turned to months and the weather warmed, my list of symptoms grew to the size of the piles of snow in my front yard, which in this region was about as tall as I am. I was having bad headaches, aching painful muscles and joints, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, loss of appetite, weight loss, fever, shortness of breath, chest pain,  tingling and numbness in my extremities, but worst of all was just the fatigue. This was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I felt like walking up the stairs was like climbing a mountain and walking out to get the mail was like running a marathon.  I couldn’t even take a shower and get dressed without having to take a rest on my back. I was worried that something was very wrong with me.

At this point I consulted the medical professionals. Remember also that I work at the Mayo Clinic, arguably the world’s leading hospital for medical mysteries. The first doctor I saw told me I was a healthy 25-year-old and had classic heartburn. He sent me on my way armed with a prescription for over the counter Prilosec and I’m sure continued on to the next patient thinking that he had solved all my problems.  I didn’t even bother with that, but immediately set up another appointment with another doctor. This time I got the response that I was probably just having some seasonal depression and needed to go on an antidepressant. HELLO!! I’m no psychologist, but I know enough to know that depression does not cause a fever, swollen lymph nodes, and many of my other symptoms.  He was concerned enough to order some basic blood work though. All the tests ordered came back normal of course, so I could rest easy that I didn’t have leukemia or hepatitis or something like that, but I still didn’t know what was wrong with me. After more weeks of being ill, and more weeks of not knowing why, I finally had to stop going in to work. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I could barely do anything but get out of bed, roll out the door and sit at my computer for my shift and then return directly to my bed. I felt like I was a dead man walking, but barely able to do even that. I eventually picked up a cane at my doctor’s request. I was beginning to feel like a 90 year old trapped in a 25 year old body.

Another round of blood work revealed nothing, and another doctor told me in not so simple of terms that “It was all in [my] head!” I requested to see a psychologist to put an end to this conjecturing that I was having such varied and inexplicable symptoms due to my own faulty perception of the world around me. I knew that these symptoms were not caused by whatever these experts claim to be the cause of psychosomatic symptoms. After a thorough evaluation by the head shrink, nothing was found to even begin to explain my symptoms. Although I later found that he had given me the black label diagnoses of panic disorder and agoraphobia for reasons I have yet to comprehend. I continued to spiral downward with no thanks to the medical community. The psychologist put me on a medication that was supposed to treat a condition that I didn’t have, but I had to comply at this point or be seen as a difficult and uncooperative patient. I took the meds and soon began to have noticeably severe tremors and also developed a much more severe degree of muscle weakness, vertigo, and loss of coordination. The combination of these symptoms led me to walk like a pregnant woman on an ice rink. I was feeling more and more disabled and more and more like the medical community was failing me. I was seen once more by another doctor who suggested a visit with neurology, and ordered up an MRI of my entire CNS. At this point I was hoping and praying that the MRI would reveal something like multiple sclerosis or babesiosis. Alicia and I had both been doing tons of research on odd and rare diseases. Based on my own personal understanding of my body and my strange symptoms, I was able to tentatively rule out many diseases, but the one that I couldn’t convince myself was not possible was chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Someone had suggested this to me before, but I had never heard of it and assumed that CFS was exactly what it sounds like, and there was no way I had been so severely knocked out by the fake disease that lazy people claim to have. Well, as I read through countless medical journals about diseases matching my symptomology I became more and more convinced that CFS was real, and more importantly, that I had it. I read the list of symptoms at CFIDS.org and matched it up to my own list of symptoms and if I didn’t know better you’d think that I wrote the CFIDS list myself.

After going through round after round of test including Lyme disease two times, mono, Eppstein bar virus, thyroid, neurological examinations, hormone levels, and many more, I appear to have nothing medically wrong with me… or at least that is currently detectable with our knowledge. I have now piled up a stack of medical statements that easily total over $60,000. Good thing I work for the Mayo Clinic and they take care of their employees.

I have now been sick for roughly nine months, and I have yet to figure out my new body. I feel like I have an invisible line that changes position every day, and if I cross the line even just a little bit by doing too much physical or mental activity then I get kicked in the face a day or two later. They call that post exertional malaise. I won’t go into too many details about life with CFS here, but I will direct any interested reader to the CFIDS.org website, or the CDC.gov website to learn how awful this monster is. I often tell people that I would much rather have a terminal illness than this and they look at me like I’m crazy. I really feel that way most of the time. You can’t truly understand that unless you have lived with CFS before. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. I am currently unable to work, I can barely walk, I can’t sit upright for very long, I am hypersensitive to all stimuli including temperature, light, noise, taste, smell, and touch. I don’t sleep well, and I am in constant pain. I have lost my identity as an individual and am still trying to figure this new me out, but hope that I get the old me back soon. I have a good attitude about the situation despite the tone of this article. I am just trying to portray what I am dealing with honestly and let others know what it’s like. I don’t need people to feel sorry for me, but I do want people to understand what I am dealing with and be supportive and aware of my limitations.

I must also mention that the one person who has been able to pretty much entirely understand me is my sweet wife Alicia. She has been so patient and understanding of my situation. She takes care of all my needs at the expense of her own. I couldn’t ask for a better companion. She has even been studying to take the LSAT in preparation for the long road that may be ahead for us. I don’t know what I would do without her.

Taylor Ann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think one reason why we haven't updated on here is because our household grew by one member way back on February 26 of this year. Taylor was born at 7 lbs 5 ounces and 20 inches. She was two weeks early and perfectly healthy. She is now crawling, babbling, cruising around furniture, and wishing to do everything her brother can do.

We have sorely neglected our blog... Time to update!

Christmas

Yes! I know these are coming up a month late, but I thought that it was better late than never.